Self-righteous cafes spoil my damn coffee.

I understand the pressure that Starbucks has put on its competition, what with their unstoppable growth and arguable leadership of the espresso revolution. Long-time coffee-drinkers, and beverage enthusiasts alike, may have sneered when Starbucks decided to be all fancy-pants about how they refer to the three different sizes of drinks a customer can order. This is because there’s no good reason not to just refer to these sizes as “small”, “medium”, and “large”. Starbucks, however, decided to strike at the subconscious of the stupid in an effort to trick them into thinking that a small cup is actually “tall”, and therefore spending three dollars on an espresso drink is justified.

Despite Starbuck’s move, “tall”, “grande”, and “venti” are embedded into 90s pop culture. One would have to be an oblivious peon to not understand what is meant by these words in a coffee-house setting. One can understand, then, my annoyance the other day at a Peets store when I ordered a “tall” drink by accident, and was corrected by the cashier. It slipped out of my mouth, I admit, because I’m generally on the ball about using the proper nomenclature in non-Starbucks locations, but I don’t need to be corrected on this matter, because he knew what I meant. Just make my damn drink and shut up. If I was in the mood for your little corrections, I’d clearly be awake and not need coffee in the first place.

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